This is another of my numerous pet hates. I have a lot of pet hates really. Possibly enough to form a Menagerie of Hate, but thats another story.
There are certain circumstances under which a discount is acceptable. Ex-display products for example. Or products with damaged packaging, no problem. If you're buying a lot of stuff that comes to a decent total (like £200+ at least), and you're nice, i may also then consider a discount.
I will not give a discount for the following reasons:
-If you've seen a single item you like, and want to pay less. If i was going to hand out a discount on a single £180 item, why bother pricing it at £180 in the first place? (bear in mind i am not asked 'could i have a discount?' but am instead asked 'how much discount will you give me?' as though i intended to charge you less than sticker price all along)
-If you are incredibly tight-fisted and can't see your way to paying the full price for what you want. For example, I have been confronted with situations like: "£9.99? That's a bit expensive. Will you give me discount?" The answer will be no. A thousand times no.
-If you've bought more than five items. As i've said before, thats fine if those items are a few hundred pounds worth. However, if the combined sum is under £20 don't even ask. I don't care if you 'bought all this stuff' it's still not worth any money off.
-If you haven't brought enough money. Just... no.
-Because the product has been opened. Sorry, but it's still new, and in full working order. The packaging is in good condition. Not to mention that it was you that opened it in the first place.
These examples, and countless more besides, are all completely genuine. It's amazing how many people think they're entitled to a discount for no apparent reason. It's not as though i like them in any way.
People! Prices are there because thats what you have to pay for the product in question! Discounts are the exception, not the rule!
Oh, and don't go moving a product to a different peg, so you can use the 'you have to honour the sticker price' argument on me. That's only true if the sticker price for the same product is different to what the till rings up. I can tell if you move it, you know.
Monday 29 October 2007
Thursday 25 October 2007
I Wish I Had An Idea-Hammer...
...which i could use to physically drive information into the brain of a customer.
Consider today. He needs a certain cable. This certain cable will not work properly if run for a length of over three metres. Sadly he needs at least six, preferably ten. Fair enough, but tough luck unfortunately. I offer the altenative solutions, but they aren' adequate. At this point, normal people accept the fact that what they want simply isn't possible, and perhaps retire to think about other ways around the problem, or ways to use the solutions i've offered.
Of course some people aren't that simple. They repeatedly insist that they need it to be longer, as though coninued repetition alters reality. They also repeatedly offer the concept of joining two cables together. Each time i explain that doing such a thing really doesn't alter the nature of the problem. That signal still needs to travel the length of the cable. Still, i can understand the mistake the first time, but fifteen minutes and thirty repetitions later, It's starting to wear thin. I eventually failed. One imagines he'll be back to return the extra cable and the coupler tomorrow.
Secondly, it never ceases to amaze me that someone can tell me over and over again how much of a hurry they're in, jiggle around impatiently, and still manage to dither around and waste quarter an hour of my time. They'll happily arse around for ages reading the small print on the side of a box, then comparing it to the small print of a different box, and obsess over a tiny detail nobody ever cared about, yet then fidget around restlessly and moan when it takes more than five seconds to print a reciept.
Lastly, it amazes me that a customer can come in, and give me the tiniest possible information about the product he seeks. When this proves to be too little information to act on, he gets annoyed and wants to talk to someone else. When he gets to the next memeber of staff, he magically comes up with much more detail on what he wants. When this still turns out not to be enough, or that we dont do exactly what he needs, he wants to talk to yet another person. When this person arrives, he suddenly changes the details altogether, asks for a completely different product, finds and gets what he needs, and sneers at the first two staff member as though they were idiots. This might be some strange superiority fettish, but I haven't managed to secure confirmation yet.
Consider today. He needs a certain cable. This certain cable will not work properly if run for a length of over three metres. Sadly he needs at least six, preferably ten. Fair enough, but tough luck unfortunately. I offer the altenative solutions, but they aren' adequate. At this point, normal people accept the fact that what they want simply isn't possible, and perhaps retire to think about other ways around the problem, or ways to use the solutions i've offered.
Of course some people aren't that simple. They repeatedly insist that they need it to be longer, as though coninued repetition alters reality. They also repeatedly offer the concept of joining two cables together. Each time i explain that doing such a thing really doesn't alter the nature of the problem. That signal still needs to travel the length of the cable. Still, i can understand the mistake the first time, but fifteen minutes and thirty repetitions later, It's starting to wear thin. I eventually failed. One imagines he'll be back to return the extra cable and the coupler tomorrow.
Secondly, it never ceases to amaze me that someone can tell me over and over again how much of a hurry they're in, jiggle around impatiently, and still manage to dither around and waste quarter an hour of my time. They'll happily arse around for ages reading the small print on the side of a box, then comparing it to the small print of a different box, and obsess over a tiny detail nobody ever cared about, yet then fidget around restlessly and moan when it takes more than five seconds to print a reciept.
Lastly, it amazes me that a customer can come in, and give me the tiniest possible information about the product he seeks. When this proves to be too little information to act on, he gets annoyed and wants to talk to someone else. When he gets to the next memeber of staff, he magically comes up with much more detail on what he wants. When this still turns out not to be enough, or that we dont do exactly what he needs, he wants to talk to yet another person. When this person arrives, he suddenly changes the details altogether, asks for a completely different product, finds and gets what he needs, and sneers at the first two staff member as though they were idiots. This might be some strange superiority fettish, but I haven't managed to secure confirmation yet.
Friday 12 October 2007
The Worst Five Minutes Of The Day...
... Are surprisingly the last.
You'd think that the promise of going home would make these five minutes a deleriously happy festival of anticipation. They are instead a tension filled, slow moving hell that can determine one's mood for the remainder of the evening. This is due to that insidious beast... The Last Minute Customer.
The Last Minute Customer is the bane of my existance. He has hundreds of different faces (and odours). He doesn't appear to care that you want to go home. He doesn't care that you don't get paid after six. He'll gladly wander in at three minutes to, and pretty much refuse to leave until he's finished being served. This can take anywhere from five minutes (minor irritation), to half an hour (seething rage). If you try to hint to him that you might like him to go home now, he will ignore you. If you dare to do so much as outright chuck him out, he will explode in a fit of rage and complain to your head office.
He might not even buy anything. He'll gladly fart-arse about and waste your time, and do all the normal crap that customers do all day (only now it feels 100x more excruciating) without shame or apology, and still not spend any money.
Sometimes you will thwart him. You will get that door closed and locked before he makes it. But it isn't over. He will knock on the doors and windows, rattle the door handle, wave and shout at you, demanding to come in. Even if the shutters have been put down, he will still try to force the door open. If you just happen to unlock the door for a moment, to let your last customer out (another Last Minute Customer, successfully ousted), he will attempt to force his way in. As though that will earn him the right to be served.
I'd like to take a moment to point out that this is not the case. We're not running some grand challenge. We're not trying to lock that door to challenge you, to see if you can make it in and get served. We're doing it because we're finished. Entering the building does not alter this, i promise.
In one case, we actually had a guy come round to the back door, half an hour after closing, and had the cheek to complain (and threaten to complain to head office) because we wouldnt give him a refund. Bear in mind the tills weren't just closed, but cashed up and locked in the safe. I wasn't there personally, but i would have asked him just how he planned to word his complaint. 'They wouldn't give me a refund when I knocked at the delivery entrance half an hour after closing' wouldn't carry much weight, i imagine.
A lot of Last Minute Customers are difficult refunds. This is because they know you are much less likely to argue, as you want to go home. This is a false assumption. We know your game, and hate you viciously for it. You're more likely to get sent home and told to come back another time, or we'll simply choose to send it away for testing, which can take several weeks. You want to waste our time, we're only too happy to waste yours.
Now i know some people are working, and don't get out until we're nearly closed. This is not a valid excuse in my opinion. We sell next to nothing that could be described as an 'essential'. I don't see why your average person couldn't wait a day longer for anything they could buy from us. Therefore, i propose they do what i do. Go shopping on a day off. It makes sense you know.
Remember: When a store's opening hours are 9 till 6, or 10 till 8 or whatever, those are the hours it is open for. 6pm is not the time you need to arrive by to get served, it is the time we are finished, completely and totally. It is the time from which the company no longer pays us. Now I have a hard time caring about the average customer when i'm being paid to do so. Why i should care for free is beyond me. So do not arrive at a shop two minutes before closing, and expect more than two minutes service. If you need half an hour's service, arrive at the store more than half an hour before closing. It sounds simple, but apparently it isnt.
On a completely different note, when a customer points to a battery charger, and asks you what it is, or specifically points to the sign that says 'battery charger' and asks what it is, how do you explain it without using the words 'battery' or 'charger'?
You'd think that the promise of going home would make these five minutes a deleriously happy festival of anticipation. They are instead a tension filled, slow moving hell that can determine one's mood for the remainder of the evening. This is due to that insidious beast... The Last Minute Customer.
The Last Minute Customer is the bane of my existance. He has hundreds of different faces (and odours). He doesn't appear to care that you want to go home. He doesn't care that you don't get paid after six. He'll gladly wander in at three minutes to, and pretty much refuse to leave until he's finished being served. This can take anywhere from five minutes (minor irritation), to half an hour (seething rage). If you try to hint to him that you might like him to go home now, he will ignore you. If you dare to do so much as outright chuck him out, he will explode in a fit of rage and complain to your head office.
He might not even buy anything. He'll gladly fart-arse about and waste your time, and do all the normal crap that customers do all day (only now it feels 100x more excruciating) without shame or apology, and still not spend any money.
Sometimes you will thwart him. You will get that door closed and locked before he makes it. But it isn't over. He will knock on the doors and windows, rattle the door handle, wave and shout at you, demanding to come in. Even if the shutters have been put down, he will still try to force the door open. If you just happen to unlock the door for a moment, to let your last customer out (another Last Minute Customer, successfully ousted), he will attempt to force his way in. As though that will earn him the right to be served.
I'd like to take a moment to point out that this is not the case. We're not running some grand challenge. We're not trying to lock that door to challenge you, to see if you can make it in and get served. We're doing it because we're finished. Entering the building does not alter this, i promise.
In one case, we actually had a guy come round to the back door, half an hour after closing, and had the cheek to complain (and threaten to complain to head office) because we wouldnt give him a refund. Bear in mind the tills weren't just closed, but cashed up and locked in the safe. I wasn't there personally, but i would have asked him just how he planned to word his complaint. 'They wouldn't give me a refund when I knocked at the delivery entrance half an hour after closing' wouldn't carry much weight, i imagine.
A lot of Last Minute Customers are difficult refunds. This is because they know you are much less likely to argue, as you want to go home. This is a false assumption. We know your game, and hate you viciously for it. You're more likely to get sent home and told to come back another time, or we'll simply choose to send it away for testing, which can take several weeks. You want to waste our time, we're only too happy to waste yours.
Now i know some people are working, and don't get out until we're nearly closed. This is not a valid excuse in my opinion. We sell next to nothing that could be described as an 'essential'. I don't see why your average person couldn't wait a day longer for anything they could buy from us. Therefore, i propose they do what i do. Go shopping on a day off. It makes sense you know.
Remember: When a store's opening hours are 9 till 6, or 10 till 8 or whatever, those are the hours it is open for. 6pm is not the time you need to arrive by to get served, it is the time we are finished, completely and totally. It is the time from which the company no longer pays us. Now I have a hard time caring about the average customer when i'm being paid to do so. Why i should care for free is beyond me. So do not arrive at a shop two minutes before closing, and expect more than two minutes service. If you need half an hour's service, arrive at the store more than half an hour before closing. It sounds simple, but apparently it isnt.
On a completely different note, when a customer points to a battery charger, and asks you what it is, or specifically points to the sign that says 'battery charger' and asks what it is, how do you explain it without using the words 'battery' or 'charger'?
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