Let me help you help me.

I've been wondering for a while how to actually start this thing. What I decided to do, is give you all a little list. This list will tell you what to do, and what not to do to the poor guy serving you. If at any time in this list (or this blog) i say something that you feel insults you personally, I make no aplogies. You probably deserve to be shot.
So here's my first list then.

1. When going shopping, DO make an attempt to clean yourself before leaving the house. Soap and water isn't expensive. This is very important. If i can smell you from the other side of the store, and that smell isnt a pleasant flowery smell, then you have a problem. I will most certainly try to avoid you, or at least try to kill you with air freshener.

2. I understant that some people can suffer badly from bad breath, and this might not be thier own fault. However, if you are an unfortunate, halitosis-suffering soul, then please DO NOT place your mouth three inches from my nose while we talk. It is difficult to concentrate when you are being slowly poisoned.

3. Try to know at least a little about what you want. Your average shopkeeper is there to help you with the best of thier ability, but as far as i know, few shopkeepers are telepathic.

4. Do not get upset with me if i am unable to interpret your vague hand-waving and grunting. This is a form of communication i am not familiar with. Instead, you might try talking clearly in english.

5. If i have to disappear to go get something for you, try to remain roughly in the place i left you, or at least within sight of the counter. Do not vanish. Do not wander off. I don't care if someone's stealing your car/child/wife/dog/vegetable (delete where applicable). I don't want to have to come looking for you. You wouldn't like it if i kept wandering off now would you?

6. Likewise, if i ask you to follow me, or go to a different counter so i can serve you, please, please do so. Don't just stand there. Try to understand that i may have asked you to move for a reason.

7. This is VERY important. At times i may ask you questions, in order to figure out what you need. This is not an invitation to merely repeat to me what you have already said. I asked you the question because i require information you have not yet told me. If you don't know the answer, just be honest and say so. This isn't an exam you know.

8. If i tell you i don't have what you need, or i'm out of stock of something, please believe me. I really have nothing to gain by hiding stock from you. Arguing with me will not make me magically produce the item you want.

9. No i will not give you a discount. I simply don't like you enough.

10. We'll make this the last one, and therefore the most important. Closing time is the time you need to leave by, not the time you need to arrive by. Do not turn up thirty seconds before we close, and expect half an hour's service. Do not get upset if i dare to try and kick you out ten minutes after we close. I'm not getting paid anymore. I'd like to go home.


I will undoubtably add to this list over time. I hope that at least one or two people will read this and spot some of thier own mistakes. Remember, the less you upset the guy serving you, the more likely he is to help you. And he might not spend the rest of the day daydreaming about hurting you.