There are times i wish i could say the things running through my head:
What I Want To Say: "You are a complete moron. Your mental problems are not a fault. Get away from me".
What I Actually Say: "Are you sure it's faulty sir? You followed the instruction manual properly yes?"
What I Want To Say: "I really really hate you, you know that?"
What I Actually Say: "You wan't to see it again? Alright i'll go get it down again."
What I Want To Say: "Yes i'm busy. You can tell because of all these things i'm doing."
What I Actually Say: "No, it's alright. How can I help?"
What I Want To Say: "If you don't shut your damn mouth in the next five seconds, you're going to wake up in a ditch somewhere."
What I Actually Say: "I understand what you're saying sir, but please let me explain."
What I Want To Say: "If I have to explain myself once more, I'm going to shove the damn thing up your nose."
What I Actually Say: "No sir, that's the one you need. This one won't be any good for what you're trying to do."
What I Want To Say: "Piss off."
What I Actually Say: "Good morning!"
What I Want To Say: "What the hell is actually wrong with you? Who comes out shopping at this kind of time? We've been open all day! Why now?"
What I Actually Say: "We're closing in three minutes sir."
What I Want To Say: "You're still asking questions? You know what time it is, I know this because I've told you five times now. Do you honestly think I'm going to sit here with you all night? I'm not getting paid anymore you know."
What I Actually Say: "Could we start wrapping this up now? We closed five minutes ago."
What I Want To Say: "Go on, get lost. If i ever have to look at you again, I might just kill someone."
What I Actually Say: "Thank you sir, Goodnight."
Wednesday, 15 August 2007
Thursday, 9 August 2007
Language Barriers
Where i work, we have a rather large amount of customers who don't speak english as a primary language. This in itself isn't a problem at all. Normally they speak enough to communicate, or we just muddle through without saying a lot. All is well.
Sometimes however, it becomes a significant problem. A good example has occured recently.
I have a customer, and he likes to talk a lot. He talks loudly and energetically, with much pointing of fingers and waving off hands. That's nice. He doesn't, however, speak much english. Or if he does, he chooses not to.
He seems to have the unique impression that i will magically learn arabic or whatever it is, if he occasionally and randomly inserts english words into his sentences. This leaves me with the task of picking out enough of these words to understand what on earth is going on. Generally, i fail. Curiously, he seems to understand what i say back to him. I think.
Worse still, he always brings a friend. Together they chatter away in thier own tongue, in the same lively manner. After a few minutes your brain has decided it's not going to get anything useful from this and takes a well-deserved rest. Suddenly, however, the attention is back on you, with some hand waving, foreign chatter and those scarce few, precious english words. Bear in mind of course that he has a very strong accent, so these are reasonably difficult to understand, even for a seasoned veteran.
They've told me they'll be back for more stuff tomorrow. I'll enjoy that. I've always enjoyed hide-and seek.
Sometimes however, it becomes a significant problem. A good example has occured recently.
I have a customer, and he likes to talk a lot. He talks loudly and energetically, with much pointing of fingers and waving off hands. That's nice. He doesn't, however, speak much english. Or if he does, he chooses not to.
He seems to have the unique impression that i will magically learn arabic or whatever it is, if he occasionally and randomly inserts english words into his sentences. This leaves me with the task of picking out enough of these words to understand what on earth is going on. Generally, i fail. Curiously, he seems to understand what i say back to him. I think.
Worse still, he always brings a friend. Together they chatter away in thier own tongue, in the same lively manner. After a few minutes your brain has decided it's not going to get anything useful from this and takes a well-deserved rest. Suddenly, however, the attention is back on you, with some hand waving, foreign chatter and those scarce few, precious english words. Bear in mind of course that he has a very strong accent, so these are reasonably difficult to understand, even for a seasoned veteran.
They've told me they'll be back for more stuff tomorrow. I'll enjoy that. I've always enjoyed hide-and seek.
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
People I Try To Avoid #2
THE CLEARLY INSANE:
Now this one's probably obvious. Of course i want to avoid crazy people.
However, you must understand the true dread of meeting the truly deranged. If you are unlucky, you will not realise it has happened to you until it's too late. Nothing replaces that small, slight panic as your normal-looking customer opens his or her mouth and spouts forth a frothing pile of drooly nonsense.
From here, your experience can lead down two equally unpleasant paths:
1)- Whatever it is they want, you certainly dont have it. You of course try to pass this information onto them, but it will have even less effect than it does on a normal, sane* customer. The predictable explain-repeat-repeat-try to run away cycle ensues, but instead of a normal* person, you instead have to deal with someone who may well be wearing underpants on their head. Why is this worse? Because the truly insane seem to enjoy the mindless repetition. They simply won't leave you alone. The only way out of this cycle is to show them something that will amuse them for a few minutes, then go hide somewhere.
2)- They actually want something you can help with. This is possibly worse. Similar to the events described in 1), only now you have to explain things to them. They will invariably want something complicated. Like the old people i mentioned before, they will not understand your explanations, no matter how simplified you make them. What makes this worse is that running and hiding isn't usually an option. Instead you have to stay with them until they actually get what they want. Or you commit suicide. Whatever happens first.
For extra flavour, Insane person may also have one or more of these extra features:
-Drool. Nothing is quite so off-putting as having someone leaving puddles on your counter.
-Intense smell. Your regular crazy person has little time for hygeine, or the concept at least eludes them. Their very presence makes you want to vomit.
-Sudden, unexpected smell. There is something truly horrible about someone smelling of human excrement. There is something worse about this smell only arriving several minutes into the conversation.
-Random, surprising behaviour. I have experienced such gems as 'getting up really really close to you without any warning whatsoever', 'repeated touching', 'showing me your rather unpleasant disfigurement' and 'crying for no apparent reason'. All of these i feel underqualified to deal with.
*- Sort of.
Now this one's probably obvious. Of course i want to avoid crazy people.
However, you must understand the true dread of meeting the truly deranged. If you are unlucky, you will not realise it has happened to you until it's too late. Nothing replaces that small, slight panic as your normal-looking customer opens his or her mouth and spouts forth a frothing pile of drooly nonsense.
From here, your experience can lead down two equally unpleasant paths:
1)- Whatever it is they want, you certainly dont have it. You of course try to pass this information onto them, but it will have even less effect than it does on a normal, sane* customer. The predictable explain-repeat-repeat-try to run away cycle ensues, but instead of a normal* person, you instead have to deal with someone who may well be wearing underpants on their head. Why is this worse? Because the truly insane seem to enjoy the mindless repetition. They simply won't leave you alone. The only way out of this cycle is to show them something that will amuse them for a few minutes, then go hide somewhere.
2)- They actually want something you can help with. This is possibly worse. Similar to the events described in 1), only now you have to explain things to them. They will invariably want something complicated. Like the old people i mentioned before, they will not understand your explanations, no matter how simplified you make them. What makes this worse is that running and hiding isn't usually an option. Instead you have to stay with them until they actually get what they want. Or you commit suicide. Whatever happens first.
For extra flavour, Insane person may also have one or more of these extra features:
-Drool. Nothing is quite so off-putting as having someone leaving puddles on your counter.
-Intense smell. Your regular crazy person has little time for hygeine, or the concept at least eludes them. Their very presence makes you want to vomit.
-Sudden, unexpected smell. There is something truly horrible about someone smelling of human excrement. There is something worse about this smell only arriving several minutes into the conversation.
-Random, surprising behaviour. I have experienced such gems as 'getting up really really close to you without any warning whatsoever', 'repeated touching', 'showing me your rather unpleasant disfigurement' and 'crying for no apparent reason'. All of these i feel underqualified to deal with.
*- Sort of.
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
How rude!
Every so often, i experience something which afterwards leads me to question whether or not it was real.
Today i had such an experience. I answered the phone, and the fellow on the other end asked me for something. He was on a mobile phone, and i couldn't quite grab what it was he asked me, so i ask if he could please say that again, i didn't quite catch it.
"You heard me." he says. "You heard me. You're just trying to act stupid."
Excuse me?
"You heard me."
Sir, you're not on a good signal, i'm having a little trouble hearing you.
"This is a new phone." (as if that ever mattered) "You heard me."
...At which point i hung up.
Now, i may be alone and mistaken for thinking in such a way, but this seemed to be a rather unprovoked outburst on his part. I'm not entirely sure what i did to deserve it. I sometimes wonder if people actually set out to have an argument with a random person, for reasons that seem unfathomable.
Even if i assume that the guy was genuine, i can only wonder what he thought i'd have to gain by pretending not to hear him. If i didn't want to talk to him, i wouldn't have picked up the phone. (Alright, i don't want to talk to most people, but i have to pick up the phone. Nevertheless it'd be a bit pointless to pretend i've gone deaf immediately afterwards).
It's also worth mentioning that not being able to hear something isn't a sign of stupidity in any way. As a matter of fact, a good sign of stupidity is accusing random shopkeepers of deliberately not listening to you, presumably to annoy you.
Again it appears to me that there is a widespread belief that shopkeepers are devious, untrustworthy beasts, dedicated not to making money, but to making your life as difficult as possible, and to prevent you from buying things you need.
Maybe they're right, and i've been doing this wrong. If so, someone please tell me. I want in on the fun.
Today i had such an experience. I answered the phone, and the fellow on the other end asked me for something. He was on a mobile phone, and i couldn't quite grab what it was he asked me, so i ask if he could please say that again, i didn't quite catch it.
"You heard me." he says. "You heard me. You're just trying to act stupid."
Excuse me?
"You heard me."
Sir, you're not on a good signal, i'm having a little trouble hearing you.
"This is a new phone." (as if that ever mattered) "You heard me."
...At which point i hung up.
Now, i may be alone and mistaken for thinking in such a way, but this seemed to be a rather unprovoked outburst on his part. I'm not entirely sure what i did to deserve it. I sometimes wonder if people actually set out to have an argument with a random person, for reasons that seem unfathomable.
Even if i assume that the guy was genuine, i can only wonder what he thought i'd have to gain by pretending not to hear him. If i didn't want to talk to him, i wouldn't have picked up the phone. (Alright, i don't want to talk to most people, but i have to pick up the phone. Nevertheless it'd be a bit pointless to pretend i've gone deaf immediately afterwards).
It's also worth mentioning that not being able to hear something isn't a sign of stupidity in any way. As a matter of fact, a good sign of stupidity is accusing random shopkeepers of deliberately not listening to you, presumably to annoy you.
Again it appears to me that there is a widespread belief that shopkeepers are devious, untrustworthy beasts, dedicated not to making money, but to making your life as difficult as possible, and to prevent you from buying things you need.
Maybe they're right, and i've been doing this wrong. If so, someone please tell me. I want in on the fun.
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Suspicion And Other Fun Games
You may or may not be surprised to learn that shopkeepers are not to be trusted.
They may be distorting the truth to get more money out of you. Therefore it is natural to treat any attempt to sell you anything with utmost suspicion.
Apparently they may also be deliberately hiding items of stock from you, so that you may in fact leave without spending any money. The reasons for this are unclear. Therefore it is natural that when told that the store you are in doesn't sell the item you need, you will continue to search the shelves, closely inspecting each and every product that looks even minutely similar.
They may even lie about the kinds of things they sell. They will dare to tell you that their electronics store does not in fact sell items such as curtain hooks, 'No Parking' signs, plumbing equipment and suchlike. Therefore it is natural that you will argue with them, informing them that your friend/brother/son/schizophrenic voice assured you that you could find the product here. Of course this informant knows a lot better than the guy that works there everyday.
It's amazing what those damn sneaky shopkeepers get up to in order to annoy you for no apparent reason.
They may be distorting the truth to get more money out of you. Therefore it is natural to treat any attempt to sell you anything with utmost suspicion.
Apparently they may also be deliberately hiding items of stock from you, so that you may in fact leave without spending any money. The reasons for this are unclear. Therefore it is natural that when told that the store you are in doesn't sell the item you need, you will continue to search the shelves, closely inspecting each and every product that looks even minutely similar.
They may even lie about the kinds of things they sell. They will dare to tell you that their electronics store does not in fact sell items such as curtain hooks, 'No Parking' signs, plumbing equipment and suchlike. Therefore it is natural that you will argue with them, informing them that your friend/brother/son/schizophrenic voice assured you that you could find the product here. Of course this informant knows a lot better than the guy that works there everyday.
It's amazing what those damn sneaky shopkeepers get up to in order to annoy you for no apparent reason.
Thursday, 19 July 2007
The Process Of A Refused Refund
In any retailer's life, there will be a time when a refund is refused. This will often be a harrowing experience, and will be quite upsetting to those that aren't used to it. There will be much shouting from the customer, and much wishing you could say things back and keep your job.
There is a certain pattern to any Refused Refund.
PART ONE: THE SET-UP
The customer will come into your shop with an item of varying worth. It is often somewhere around the price of £20. It will probably be faulty, if it is not faulty, it will most likely be in a horrendous condition that makes it fit only for the incinerator. This item will have been bought almost a year ago. There will, and this is important, Not be a reciept. There will be no proof of purchase of any kind.
At this point i would like to explain Proof Of Purchase, seeing as so many people apparently don't understand it. The law states that no, you do not need a reciept. You do however, require some kind of proof of purchase. This can be a bank statement, or anything that proves beyond reasonable doubt that you purchased the item, and so that we may track and find your reciept details.
If you are particularly dense, you might not understand why this is necessary. Well it's simple. We need to know that you A) did, in fact buy the product and B) that you bought it from us. It proves you didn't just steal it and want money for it now.
PART TWO: INITIAL REACTION
This is where we, the staff members, do everything we can to help. Seriously, we don't have a problem getting a refund you're entitled to. However at this stage YOU fail US. Do not tell me you bought it 'About 8 months ago' There's a good chance we sold a lot of your product that month. Couple this with being unable to remember how you paid for it and if you bought anything with it, and you're giving us a nightmare. A search may pull up 30 transactions from that month. Before you even ask, no we can't just use one of them anyway. That reciept belongs to someone else. If we use thier reciept number, we cant give them a refund if they bring thiers back.
So at this point we are knackered. Telling us roughly which month of the year you bought it is not adaquate proof of purchase. It really isnt. Even if we only find one reciept for your product on that month, it proves nothing. It could still be from anyone else in the world. For all we know, you stole this from another store yesterday. No refund for you.
PART THREE: THE LIES
Now the story begins to shift and change. Did i say October? I meant November. You didn't sell any then? Maybe it was September. Aaand... i bought... Some blank cd's? No? No i definately bought some printer ink... (At this point i throw out a little decoy. I looke down at the pages of transactions in my hand and make something up. I might say 'Are you sure you didn't get anything else? Like a laptop charger, or a keyboard?' They'll probably then say 'Yeah! Yeah i got a charger didn't i?' I'll shake my head. Nope. None here. 'Oh, wait, no actually i think it was a keyboard come to think of it.' Nope, not any of those either. Now they know i know they're lying. But they'll never admit it).
Then come the better lies. The two most obvious ones are 'I'm a lawyer!' or 'I'm a customer service manager, and i'm in charge of refunds for -insert company here-!'
It's amazing how many people around here are badly informed lawyers. Apparently. They'll tell you they know Trading Standards law back to front. Conveniently this law states that they dont need any proof ofpurchase at all (They do) and i have to give them a refund no matter what (I don't).
They will go as far as tell you that another company doesn't need proof of purchase for a refund at all. This is brilliant! What on earth am i doing working? I'll just go take a load of stuff off the shelves in this other store, and demand refunds! Of course, no company does this. If any company caught you just handing out refunds like that, you'll be looking for a new job pretty sharpish. That's the point of proof of purchase. So people can't con your business out of ridiculous sums of money.
PART FOUR: THE ARGUMENT
Actually, most of this occurs within the events of Part Three. The customer will no admit defeat. Now not every single one is a con-man (Or woman. You'd be surprised how many are women). Some are genuine refunds i'm sure. The problem is, we can't tell you apart, and can't really make a decision based on whether we like the look of you or not. That's more or less predjudice. Mind you, i've noticed that predjudice is only a bad word if it does not directly benefit you.
The customer will now get louder and less rational. They will begin to repeat earlier arguments. They will often choose to ignore entire parts of the previous conversation, yelling things like 'You can just look my reciept up!' or 'I'm a lawyer! You have to give me a refund!'
This stage simply has to be endured. The best tactic is just to stay as polite and firm as possible, and refrain from losing your own temper (though i admit to failing on this point once or twice). After a sufficient passage of time, the customer will realise that they can't get much further with you, even with threats of physical violence (Which doesn't always happen. That one's thankfully rare). They will then proceed to...
PART FIVE: WHINGING
Now it's time to complain. The customer will fight on, higher and higher up the chain of authority, in some deranged belief that the higher you go, the more likely you are to get what you want. (This is not the case. In fact it's a lot less likely). The best part is that no matter how polite and helpful you've managed to be up to this point, as soon as the customer begins talking to the higher figures of authority, you automatically become 'Rude and Unhelpful.'
I've actually figured out that this is part of the customer's unique language, and requires translation in the Customer to English dictionary:
Rude: (lit): Isn't saying exactly what i want to hear.
Unhelpful: (lit): Isn't doing exactly what i want them to do.
This will go on and on and on. Eventually, the customer will leave in a huff, with a final promise of legal action that never arrives, or an angry husband/brother/parent that also never arrives. Briefly you wish that everyone were this entertaining. It gives everyone a lot to talk about afterwards.
By the way, if you're one of these customers i need to tell you something. the customers behind you in the queue, or indeed elsewhere in the shop WILL laugh at you once you've left. They are not all in quiet awe of you, or giving their total support. They think you're a self-righteous little arsehole, and quite rightly so.
ONE LAST THING...
I hate the phrase 'The customer is always right' Who the hell came up with that? It's a load of crap.
I mention it because it often crops up in these arguments. It seems to me that the customer is quite happy to decide he's always right when he wants something you don't want to give him, but it quite happy to admit he might be wrong if he wants your help with something. How very convenient. The phrase should be 'The customer is always right except for when he's wrong.' But i suppose that's not quite so snappy. Besides, if you're always right, why did you buy the wrong thing the first time eh? EH?
*Wipes away rabid foam*
Ok... I'm done for now.
There is a certain pattern to any Refused Refund.
PART ONE: THE SET-UP
The customer will come into your shop with an item of varying worth. It is often somewhere around the price of £20. It will probably be faulty, if it is not faulty, it will most likely be in a horrendous condition that makes it fit only for the incinerator. This item will have been bought almost a year ago. There will, and this is important, Not be a reciept. There will be no proof of purchase of any kind.
At this point i would like to explain Proof Of Purchase, seeing as so many people apparently don't understand it. The law states that no, you do not need a reciept. You do however, require some kind of proof of purchase. This can be a bank statement, or anything that proves beyond reasonable doubt that you purchased the item, and so that we may track and find your reciept details.
If you are particularly dense, you might not understand why this is necessary. Well it's simple. We need to know that you A) did, in fact buy the product and B) that you bought it from us. It proves you didn't just steal it and want money for it now.
PART TWO: INITIAL REACTION
This is where we, the staff members, do everything we can to help. Seriously, we don't have a problem getting a refund you're entitled to. However at this stage YOU fail US. Do not tell me you bought it 'About 8 months ago' There's a good chance we sold a lot of your product that month. Couple this with being unable to remember how you paid for it and if you bought anything with it, and you're giving us a nightmare. A search may pull up 30 transactions from that month. Before you even ask, no we can't just use one of them anyway. That reciept belongs to someone else. If we use thier reciept number, we cant give them a refund if they bring thiers back.
So at this point we are knackered. Telling us roughly which month of the year you bought it is not adaquate proof of purchase. It really isnt. Even if we only find one reciept for your product on that month, it proves nothing. It could still be from anyone else in the world. For all we know, you stole this from another store yesterday. No refund for you.
PART THREE: THE LIES
Now the story begins to shift and change. Did i say October? I meant November. You didn't sell any then? Maybe it was September. Aaand... i bought... Some blank cd's? No? No i definately bought some printer ink... (At this point i throw out a little decoy. I looke down at the pages of transactions in my hand and make something up. I might say 'Are you sure you didn't get anything else? Like a laptop charger, or a keyboard?' They'll probably then say 'Yeah! Yeah i got a charger didn't i?' I'll shake my head. Nope. None here. 'Oh, wait, no actually i think it was a keyboard come to think of it.' Nope, not any of those either. Now they know i know they're lying. But they'll never admit it).
Then come the better lies. The two most obvious ones are 'I'm a lawyer!' or 'I'm a customer service manager, and i'm in charge of refunds for -insert company here-!'
It's amazing how many people around here are badly informed lawyers. Apparently. They'll tell you they know Trading Standards law back to front. Conveniently this law states that they dont need any proof ofpurchase at all (They do) and i have to give them a refund no matter what (I don't).
They will go as far as tell you that another company doesn't need proof of purchase for a refund at all. This is brilliant! What on earth am i doing working? I'll just go take a load of stuff off the shelves in this other store, and demand refunds! Of course, no company does this. If any company caught you just handing out refunds like that, you'll be looking for a new job pretty sharpish. That's the point of proof of purchase. So people can't con your business out of ridiculous sums of money.
PART FOUR: THE ARGUMENT
Actually, most of this occurs within the events of Part Three. The customer will no admit defeat. Now not every single one is a con-man (Or woman. You'd be surprised how many are women). Some are genuine refunds i'm sure. The problem is, we can't tell you apart, and can't really make a decision based on whether we like the look of you or not. That's more or less predjudice. Mind you, i've noticed that predjudice is only a bad word if it does not directly benefit you.
The customer will now get louder and less rational. They will begin to repeat earlier arguments. They will often choose to ignore entire parts of the previous conversation, yelling things like 'You can just look my reciept up!' or 'I'm a lawyer! You have to give me a refund!'
This stage simply has to be endured. The best tactic is just to stay as polite and firm as possible, and refrain from losing your own temper (though i admit to failing on this point once or twice). After a sufficient passage of time, the customer will realise that they can't get much further with you, even with threats of physical violence (Which doesn't always happen. That one's thankfully rare). They will then proceed to...
PART FIVE: WHINGING
Now it's time to complain. The customer will fight on, higher and higher up the chain of authority, in some deranged belief that the higher you go, the more likely you are to get what you want. (This is not the case. In fact it's a lot less likely). The best part is that no matter how polite and helpful you've managed to be up to this point, as soon as the customer begins talking to the higher figures of authority, you automatically become 'Rude and Unhelpful.'
I've actually figured out that this is part of the customer's unique language, and requires translation in the Customer to English dictionary:
Rude: (lit): Isn't saying exactly what i want to hear.
Unhelpful: (lit): Isn't doing exactly what i want them to do.
This will go on and on and on. Eventually, the customer will leave in a huff, with a final promise of legal action that never arrives, or an angry husband/brother/parent that also never arrives. Briefly you wish that everyone were this entertaining. It gives everyone a lot to talk about afterwards.
By the way, if you're one of these customers i need to tell you something. the customers behind you in the queue, or indeed elsewhere in the shop WILL laugh at you once you've left. They are not all in quiet awe of you, or giving their total support. They think you're a self-righteous little arsehole, and quite rightly so.
ONE LAST THING...
I hate the phrase 'The customer is always right' Who the hell came up with that? It's a load of crap.
I mention it because it often crops up in these arguments. It seems to me that the customer is quite happy to decide he's always right when he wants something you don't want to give him, but it quite happy to admit he might be wrong if he wants your help with something. How very convenient. The phrase should be 'The customer is always right except for when he's wrong.' But i suppose that's not quite so snappy. Besides, if you're always right, why did you buy the wrong thing the first time eh? EH?
*Wipes away rabid foam*
Ok... I'm done for now.
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
What a day...
They were pretty much crawling out of the woodwork today.
There were too many to recount really, but a few stick in the mind.
Exhibit A is Broken Lead Guy (BLG). Mr BLG walks into the store and hands me a piece of broken lead. It's worth mentioning that i'm already serving someone, but apparently he thinks he's more important. Now i'd like to further expand on my initial meeting with him, but there's nothing else. He hands me a piece of broken lead. He then stares at me, wordlessly and expectantly.
After a moment's pause, all i can think to say is 'Yup, thats a lead alright. What would you like me to do about it?'
Cue strange, indecipherable babble. I think the word 'door' is in there somewhere but i'm not sure. The hand gestures he's making may in fact indicate 'Claw' or possibly 'Huge meteor dropping out of the sky.' I tell him sorry, but i didn't quite catch that. What was it he actually needed? Again i get the claw/meteor thing, and a word that sounded a little like 'Booshk' but little else. I tell him, alright, i'm just serving this guy here, i'll get back to you alright?
Whilst serving the other guy, one of my colleagues becomes free and helps the guy for me. I'm pretty sure at this point he says 'I'd like a new lead like this one'. I of course had pretty much guessed this, but i rather like to make sure we're on the same level. Why he decided he couldn't tell me is anyone's guess.
Exhibit B is a typical case of Inappropriate Answer Syndrome. A prime example in fact. A gentlemen brings me the keyfob to his car (The bit that unlocks the door and/or arms/disarms the alarm). It needs a new battery, which isnt an uncommon request. This usually means i'll have to take it apart and find out what battery it needs first. Yet foolishly i reserve a little hope, and ask himw hich battery it takes, in the hope that he'll have checked himself (This particular guy actually had two of these, one of which was in fact already opened).
He tells me 'I bought them here two years ago.' I wait a moment. Maybe it was just an offhand comment. Nope. There's no more mental activity going on there. He's decided that was the answer to my question.
Reflect on this for a moment. I did not work here two years go. If i did, the chances of me remembering you and what you bought are next to zero. The only chance of me remembering a customer and exactly what they bought two years ago would be if they were a seven foot tall, green skinned crosdresser with no arms and only one leg, who happened to have bought a large mechanical walrus. A short, unremarkable indian guy with a small watch battery stands no chance whatsoever. So wearily i get my screwdriver and set about my task.
Exhibit C is Never Listens Guy (NLG). We get a lot of these. He tells me he needs a Hdmi to VGA adaptor. He sees HDMI to DVI, but thats it. I kindly tell him sorry, but thats all we do. We dont do what he wants. I'm not certain what he wants is at all available anywhere, he might need to do a little research.
'I see HDMI to DVI, DVI to HDMI, but i need HDMI to VGA'
Yeah i know. I don't have that. Sorry.
'I see HDMI to DVI, DVI to HDMI, but i need HDMI to VGA'
Again yes. You told me. Dont have 'em. Sorry.
'See, like this. VGA. I need this. I have HDMI. I need this to HDMI.'
Yup, i know what a VGA socket looks like. I still don't have them.
He now pores over the catalogue for a while, turning pages back and forth. He points to the pictures a few times and repeats 'I see HDMI to DVI, DVI to HDMI, but i need HDMI to VGA'.
This goes on for a good ten minutes. I'm not joking. I only wish i were. I had my hands behind my back, gripping my belt because my hands seemed to want to reach out and brain him.
And so my day continued. These weren't the only guys by a long shot, only those i could be bothered to describe in any detail here. We still had the usual glut of Suddenly Vanishing Customers, Wanderers, Refuse-To-Move-No-Matter-The-Reason people and so on and so on.
I can only hope the rest of the week is as rich in providing material as today was.
No... On second thoughts no. I really don't.
There were too many to recount really, but a few stick in the mind.
Exhibit A is Broken Lead Guy (BLG). Mr BLG walks into the store and hands me a piece of broken lead. It's worth mentioning that i'm already serving someone, but apparently he thinks he's more important. Now i'd like to further expand on my initial meeting with him, but there's nothing else. He hands me a piece of broken lead. He then stares at me, wordlessly and expectantly.
After a moment's pause, all i can think to say is 'Yup, thats a lead alright. What would you like me to do about it?'
Cue strange, indecipherable babble. I think the word 'door' is in there somewhere but i'm not sure. The hand gestures he's making may in fact indicate 'Claw' or possibly 'Huge meteor dropping out of the sky.' I tell him sorry, but i didn't quite catch that. What was it he actually needed? Again i get the claw/meteor thing, and a word that sounded a little like 'Booshk' but little else. I tell him, alright, i'm just serving this guy here, i'll get back to you alright?
Whilst serving the other guy, one of my colleagues becomes free and helps the guy for me. I'm pretty sure at this point he says 'I'd like a new lead like this one'. I of course had pretty much guessed this, but i rather like to make sure we're on the same level. Why he decided he couldn't tell me is anyone's guess.
Exhibit B is a typical case of Inappropriate Answer Syndrome. A prime example in fact. A gentlemen brings me the keyfob to his car (The bit that unlocks the door and/or arms/disarms the alarm). It needs a new battery, which isnt an uncommon request. This usually means i'll have to take it apart and find out what battery it needs first. Yet foolishly i reserve a little hope, and ask himw hich battery it takes, in the hope that he'll have checked himself (This particular guy actually had two of these, one of which was in fact already opened).
He tells me 'I bought them here two years ago.' I wait a moment. Maybe it was just an offhand comment. Nope. There's no more mental activity going on there. He's decided that was the answer to my question.
Reflect on this for a moment. I did not work here two years go. If i did, the chances of me remembering you and what you bought are next to zero. The only chance of me remembering a customer and exactly what they bought two years ago would be if they were a seven foot tall, green skinned crosdresser with no arms and only one leg, who happened to have bought a large mechanical walrus. A short, unremarkable indian guy with a small watch battery stands no chance whatsoever. So wearily i get my screwdriver and set about my task.
Exhibit C is Never Listens Guy (NLG). We get a lot of these. He tells me he needs a Hdmi to VGA adaptor. He sees HDMI to DVI, but thats it. I kindly tell him sorry, but thats all we do. We dont do what he wants. I'm not certain what he wants is at all available anywhere, he might need to do a little research.
'I see HDMI to DVI, DVI to HDMI, but i need HDMI to VGA'
Yeah i know. I don't have that. Sorry.
'I see HDMI to DVI, DVI to HDMI, but i need HDMI to VGA'
Again yes. You told me. Dont have 'em. Sorry.
'See, like this. VGA. I need this. I have HDMI. I need this to HDMI.'
Yup, i know what a VGA socket looks like. I still don't have them.
He now pores over the catalogue for a while, turning pages back and forth. He points to the pictures a few times and repeats 'I see HDMI to DVI, DVI to HDMI, but i need HDMI to VGA'.
This goes on for a good ten minutes. I'm not joking. I only wish i were. I had my hands behind my back, gripping my belt because my hands seemed to want to reach out and brain him.
And so my day continued. These weren't the only guys by a long shot, only those i could be bothered to describe in any detail here. We still had the usual glut of Suddenly Vanishing Customers, Wanderers, Refuse-To-Move-No-Matter-The-Reason people and so on and so on.
I can only hope the rest of the week is as rich in providing material as today was.
No... On second thoughts no. I really don't.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
